August, a time to be sad for a bit.

On Sunday morning my Grandfather died.  His name was Harold and he was a kind and funny old man. This didn't come as a shock as he decided it was time to go and his wishes were respected which was good. He died in his sleep without pain, the best possible outcome really. 

His death is complicated in a way for me because I am adopted and he was my birth grandfather. I no longer have a relationship with my birth mother as it was very complicated. ( complicated being an understatement of epic proportions) 

I met Harold and his beautiful wife and my birth grandmother Nancy when I was 18 years old. Nancy was a very special woman in my life, the anniversary of her death is next Wednesday and I feel strongly that Harold did not want to live through this anniversary again. The unconditional love I felt particularly from Nancy can never be matched and I think about her a lot in August. 

I think about how she always held my hand or stroked my arm if we were near each other, like I may disappear if she let go of me for a second. How she always told me that after I was put up for adoption, when I was born, that she and Harold said a prayer for "the baby" every night hoping that "one day she would come back" to see them and that when we did finally meet she cried and called me "the baby" for so long and how she couldn't believe "the baby" was so grown up. And how she wrote me funny letters when I was living overseas and I still have them and they are amongst my most precious things. And how she referred to coming to my uni graduation as the best day of her life, until I married Chef then that became the new best day of her life. 

On Monday it was the 10 year anniversary of my Dad's death. (My adopted Dad, although I never referred to him as that ever as he is and always will be my only Dad, ditto for my Mum.) I cannot even put into words how much I miss him nor do I even know where to start in what an amazing Dad he was to us and how much I wish I could just spend one day with him and he could meet Busy. He was a wonderful man.


Today is the anniversary of my Poppy dying. My Mum's Dad. I have so many fond memories of him when I was growing up. He used to sneak Caramello koala bears to us under the table and  sing silly songs and tickle us and play tricks on us and just be a great Poppy. I miss him too, it has been to long since I saw him.


So August is a time for quiet and peace. A time to remember those people special to me who are no longer here. I think this has been made harder this year because soon our new Baby will be born who doesn't know these people and that makes me sad. Nancy, my Dad and my Poppy all would have loved Busy so much and I wish she had of had the chance to have them in her life. This new baby misses out on all these people too. But we are lucky Busy has 3 excellent grandparents and this baby will have them too. 

So I am going to spend the next few days reading letters from Nancy and ones from my Dad too and thinking about Harold and my Poppy and hope that this sadness will leave before the end of August. 

Yesterday

Yesterday I wrote a post  then removed it almost immediately. It was the 8th anniversary of my Dad's death yesterday and as soon as I posted it I felt like it was too personal. I know a lot of you still saw part of it in your readers etc or may have even read it before I removed it. I have had some of the most beautiful and lovely emails from so many of you to see if I am ok.  You know who you are. I really appreciate that so many of you took the time to write. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart. It was really so very kind. I am feeling ok, just in a bit of shock that it has been so long since I saw him...So big hugs to all of you...

pic from here

Anway, I am really  fine, so, on with the craft!!!

cubby house

Busy is right into cubby houses at the moment ( IF ONLY we lived in the UK and I could have one of the above from Wove on Etsy), so there is one permanently over part of the lounge. Its just the sheet over chairs variety but there are cushions and cups and saucers inside to make tea. This is a little annoying as it really is impacting on where we can sit but she does love it and really its not worth taking it down- she is 2 - this obsession will pass. But it did get me thinking about cubby houses and the one my Dad made us when we were kids. It was under the house, there was a green wooden door to get in and it was always really dark and cold. Dad had installed lights in there (he was a Sparky- our dolls house had lights too) and just as you walked in there was a big post jutting out that was covered in foam and a piece of psychedelic fabric so we wouldn't hit our heads. We had a little chair and table and a chalkboard and we were allowed to write and draw the walls with chalk. We had a rug to roll out so we could sit on the floor, all my friends loved it and so did we. It was great.


I think children need there own little space to play. We are looking at various things to build/ buy for Busy for outside like a Tipi or a tree house or some other permanent fixture.



But we can't decide? what did you have when you were a child? What do you have for your children now?
click on pics for more info...
Chef is making lasagne and salad for dinner. its cold and raining- need comfort food.